Too Bad You Can’t Not See it Twice
We went to see Transformers 2 a while ago, and it was one of the worst movies I've seen in a long, long time. In fact, it was probably the worst "summer blockbuster" movie that I've ever seen.
To be fair, the special effects were pretty cool, and that kept me interested for about 20 minutes. But after that, I started to feel like I was trapped in the kitchen while someone smashed brightly painted pots and pans together for another two hours.
I actually found this fake trailer quite a bit more entertaining than the real movie:
So what exactly do I hate so much about Transformers 2?
It's not that the movie's plot relies more on explosions and fights than on dialogue and acting. That's pretty normal for a summer action flick.
It's not even that the movie feels like a (criminally unrealistic) two hour recruitment ad for the American military. That really does annoy me, especially when it's so obviously targeted at children. But the first Transformers movie did exactly the same thing, and I managed to overlook it both times.
No, the real problem is that I like stories, and the story in Transformers 2 makes absolutely no sense at all. None. You might think, so what? I'm here to watch robots fight each other, not worry about plot. Who cares if the writing is lame?
You'll care.
You see, even in movies that just blow stuff up, there's still a certain minimum level of storytelling required. A baseline level of writing quality that has to be there, or else even the explosions don't make sense.
Unfortunately, the plot for this movie is so senseless that by the end, you will literally not be able to understand why any character did anything. Your brain will hurt from trying to find a coherent story where none exists, and you'll wonder if maybe you're just not paying enough attention.
Sadly, the problem is not that you're paying too little attention, it's that you're paying too much. Because the more closely you watch this movie, the less sense it makes.
In the end, your best option is probably to put in some earplugs, close your eyes whenever Shia LaBeouf comes on screen, and try to relax for a few hours while you watch the brave soldiers and the shiny robots beat up all the not-so-shiny robots.
That, or you could just go see pretty much any other movie.
Dr. Horrible
This is freakin' awesome.
It's a bit of an experiment by Joss Whedon, who's one of my favourite writers. I think the idea is to try out other ways of distributing television shows over the internet--perhaps his plan is to release shows for free online, but only for a short time, and then charge for them as DVDs later on?
In that spirit, this show is available for free on the internet for this week only; a new act appears every couple of days. The first act (which is the only one I've see so far) features three actors that I really like: Neil Patrick Harris, Nathan Fillion, and Felicia Day.
Don't waste time reading my blog. Go watch Dr. Horrible!
Good Like Sunkist
So we went to see The Happening a few days ago.
I liked it, but then, I expected I would. I've liked all of M. Night Shyamalan's movies. There's just something about the guy's storytelling style that really draws me in.
I won't say anything more about the movie, other than to recommend it to any Shyamalan fans who have a strong stomach for gruesome death scenes.
I would, however, like to make a few comments on The Happening's leading man, Mark Wahlberg.
If you've actually seen the movie, then you already know that Wahlberg is convincing as Elliot Moore, a slightly awkward highschool teacher who's going through a rough patch in his marriage (which will soon be the least of his problems.) He ends up being a surprisingly genuine and resilient protagonist in what is otherwise a very dark story.
I guess what I'm saying is, Wahlberg puts in a good performance.
That's not surprising, really, because these days, Mr. Wahlberg is a well-known actor. He's been a star for long enough that even movie-goers who don't know his name will probably recognize his face:
It's difficult, then, to reconcile Wahlberg's subdued performance in The Happening with his previous career as a ludicrously over-the-top white rapper with an anti-drug message and strong penchant for piano solos. Difficult, and possibly hilarious.
You see, back in the early nineties, Mr. Wahlberg cast himself in very much the same mold as Vanilla Ice, except with much bigger muscles. Back in those days, he went by the name "Marky Mark", and he hung around with a band called "The Funky Bunch". I couldn't make that up.
Marky only had one big hit, or at least only one that I can remember:
I wonder if he still does backflips in the rain, just for old time's sake?
And lest you think that I'm unfairly picking on Mr. Mark...er, Wahlberg, let me confess that at age fifteen, I was a big fan of this song. Not to the point where I ever tried to do bicep curls with whole cinderblocks...but I did use the phrase "the vibration's good like sunkist" a couple of times.
Technology, Entertainment, Design
The TED Talks are a series of lectures and discussions by some very prominent and interesting thinkers at an annual conference that's held every year in California. The mission statement of the TED conference is "Ideas Worth Spreading", and the organization lives up to that promise every year by making the best of these talks available for free on the Internet.
Seriously, these are some very good speakers.
You can check out the whole collection at the TED website, and I heartily recommend that you do. Just make sure you have some time to spare; if you're like me, you might get sucked in for a good long while.
If you just want to see one of my recent favourites, check out this talk by Al Gore.
Cause for Concern
I recently had a chance to see my favourite journalist/historian/writer speak about climate change and the effect it will have on global politics. I am talking, of course, about Gwynne Dyer.
Mr. Dyer was speaking to a packed theatre at the University of Alberta. His remarks were broad-ranging, insightful, and dryly laced with his typical gruff wit. But there was also a worried undertone that I've never heard from him before. Not the "call-to-arms", "let's-work-together-and-solve-this-thing" kind of worried that you often hear from activist speakers. His was a more "I-see-things-clearer-than-you-do-and-I-wish-I-didn't" sort of worried. He didn't say it out loud, of course; it was just something I noticed as he talked.
And when Gwynne Dyer seems upset, I get very concerned.
I'm already quite familiar with climate change. (Actually, I think I'm currently witnessing its early stages.) I think it will soon be a very serious problem, which is why over the years I've been trying my best to make things better. On their own, my efforts won't fix anything, of course. But at least I'll be able to stand tall and look the next generation in the eye with a clear conscience.
You see, as Mr. Dyer very rightly pointed out, the real danger in climate change boils down to exactly one thing: food. As the average temperature of the planet increases, the amount of energy in the earth's atmospheric systems will also increase. And it turns out that climatologists have a very good idea about what happens after that: the earth's two "desert latitudes" (i.e. regions that circle the planet about 30 degrees above and below the equator) will expand.
Places like the USA, China, and India will lose their most fertile land, and shortly thereafter be facing massive food shortages. Places like Canada, Britain, and Northern Europe will actually gain farmland, but not nearly enough to make up for what is lost in other areas. That's a very big problem, because it means that formally friendly neighbours will suddenly have very good reasons to fight with each other.
