Another One About Kids
I ran into an excellent article on Salon.com, called To Breed or Not To Breed. It's a few years old, but despite its title, it's actually a pretty balanced and informative opinion piece.
This isn't the first time I've written a blog entry about the pros and cons of having children, though I do hope it will be my last.
I'm grateful that so many friends and acquaintances read my earlier postings on this subject, but I'm not so happy with the response I got from some of them. A few asked me why I hate children, and others wanted to know why I think less of people who plan to become parents. Frankly, that sort of question offends me just a little. So allow me to set the record straight. What follows is my uncensored and fully honest opinion on this matter.
First, I do not hate children. I'll admit that I strongly prefer the quiet, well-behaved ones, but then who doesn't? I've got some young cousins that I like just fine, and I don't begrudge them their existence at all. I also get along well with teenagers (better than most adults do), probably because I've spent so many hours pwning them in online games.
Second, I do not have a problem with people who have children. I mean, nearly everyone I know is closely related to someone who has kids. When it comes to parenthood, almost everyone is going to do one of the following four things, which I've ranked in order from best to worst:
- Decide they don't want kids, and then don't have any.
- Decide they do want kids, and then have some.
- Not think about it too much, and then don't have any.
- Not think about it too much, and then have some.
As far as I'm concerned, the first two options are fine. Option number 1 edges out option number 2 because the world is already overpopulated, so less new people is better. But they are both perfectly reasonable choices.
If I'm going to get judgmental over this issue, I'll complain about the people who choose options 3 or 4. In both cases, those people are taking a real chance that they'll regret their choice one day. Option number 4 is the worst, because if you do choose badly, your lack of judgement doesn't just mess up your own life. It affects your children, too.
Sadly, option number 4 is the path that an overwhelming number of people follow. That's something I've often complained about, saying things like: too many people have children for the wrong reasons, and if you're not sure about it, don't have kids until you are. Perhaps these are the kinds of statements that have led others to misunderstand my position.
So, to summarize:
- If you're planning to have children and you haven't seriously imagined a life without them, then you're acting without thinking.
- If you're not planning to have kids and you haven't thought carefully about what you're giving up, then you're also being too hasty. (Although at least you have the option of adopting if you change your mind later on.)
- Finally, if you've given the question a lot of honest, realistic thought (which you probably haven't unless you're at least 25) then you're going to make a smart personal choice, and I would never think worse of you for that.
